Tuesday, 16 July 2013

30 Day Chronic Illness Challenge: Day 17

Day 17: How would things be different if you weren't ill?

In a general sense I'd be far more care-free, and I'd still be running around headlong not worrying about tiredness or pain and thinking purely about saying "yes" to everything, getting out there and doing it.

I had been considering an Open University degree, but there is no hope whatsoever of me being able to hold down full time work and commit to such an undertaking. However much I rail against the fact it remains true that I just don't have the energy any more.

A lot of the answer to this question is difficult to quantify - long term ill health touches on almost every aspect of day to day life, so whilst it would certainly be different it's hard to sit and list all the various ways. Domestically speaking I was always one of those people who wanted to clean and do housework all in one go, whereas now I have no choice but to do a little bit at a time. It frustrates me because I'm very bad at sitting and looking at things which need doing. I haven't quite kicked the habit of giving in to the urge and then running headlong into a flare a couple of days later.

I think the most prominent thing is feeling the restriction against what to do at weekends. We've had glorious weather recently and given free reign I'd have been jumping in the car and going to the coast or up into the Yorkshire Dales for walks. Now I have to sit and consider the driving time, what I'll be able to do when I get there and whether it is in fact worth it. Sadly, it generally ends up being a no.

I have managed a couple of excursions this year though, so it hasn't been a complete loss. I do sometimes find I'm incredibly angry with my loss of freedom though. Again, it proves the adage that you don't appreciate something so simple until it is no longer available to you.

On the flip side though, it has taught me to be organised, rather than running around like a headless chicken hoping everything would eventually fall into place and that triple-booking myself on a given day would turn out alright in the end.

Until I feel up to another excursion I'll continue to hole myself up with Battlestar Galactica. Even if I'm not getting outside, this gem of a show is keeping my brain working all the time. I recommend it to fans of Sci-Fi - and if you have seen it, no spoilers, I'm only in season three!


  1. Oh so true when you say you don't appreciate the small things, until you can't do them. Sometimes I just want to grab people and tell them how lucky they are to be able to do the things they can, but that would make me a lunatic, so I don't, lol.