"Nothing but the rain"

Unless you've been living in Gollum's Cave for the last few weeks, I assume you will have come across the news that Tess Munster, creator of #effyourbeautystandards has been given a modelling contract. As with anything else on the internet, nothing out of the ordinary can happen without extremes of opinion flying out of the woodwork faster than you can utter "I didn't see that coming".

Tess is 5'4" and a dress size 22 - as such she's far from the traditional size and shape found in the fashion industry. Whilst plenty of people have celebrated this as a victory over the stranglehold of the incredibly narrow vision of beauty perpetuated in the media, plenty more have waved their pitchforks in impotent rage and shouted into the void about what a terrible thing this is.

(Image from http://tessmunster.com/effyourbeautystandards.html)

Various arguments are being thrown about as to why that is. "The fashion industry shouldn't promote poor health" is the first. No, strictly speaking, it shouldn't and it has a responsibility for the media and imagery it produces. However, given that for years we have been discussing the trend of models who are underweight or suffer from eating disorders, this is hardly a new idea. We should also be considering the fact that the primary thing being promoted by the fashion industry is the fashion industry, because it needs to remain relevant on a massive scale.

Second among them is the typical "Oh my God, how is that person a model?!" I'm not even going to dignify that. If you're one of those people, take a fanned long look at yourself and consider your choices.

The one that particularly interested me in terms of this post though is more inextricably tied up with what #effyourbeautystandards is all about. I've seen many variations on the theme of "People that shape should not be comfortable with themselves."

To which I ask, who the hell do you think you are?

There is a difference between being comfortable with yourself and "promoting obesity" or however we wish to phrase it. How comfortable another person is with themselves has nothing to do with anyone else at all - it just simply isn't any of your business.

Why is it that when, just possibly, a small baby step has been made towards a wider representation of shapes and sizes in fashion (which is surely to the good of all), that people are so put out?

I suspect I can answer that. It's because it's something different.

There are a lot of people who don't like anything outside of the norm. It challenges the status quo, and that makes them uncomfortable. Things they don't understand frighten them.

Because they can't understand why a person at a particular end of the weight spectrum would feel happy and secure in their size, they try to impose their view. Anyone outside of the norm has " no right" to feel the comfort and security associated with that norm.

Something else to consider - there appears to be a (completely misplaced) sense that anyone outside the norm is immediately open to public consumption. Everyone else "owns" the right to have an opinion on them and to express it to them regardless of any hurt caused. In revealing I'm a fibromyalgia patient I'm frequently bombarded with everyone and their aunt's opinion on my "attitude" and various things I "should" be doing in order to feel better (because everyone's a doctor). In the same way, it appears anyone carrying extra weight is subject to the fact everyone feels they have the right to tell them what they should be doing with their own body.

Tess Munster is indeed overweight. However, it's her body, and I for one am behind everyone feeling as good as possible about themselves. I'm lucky in many ways that as a petite slim woman I don't have to try very hard to seek representation of someone my size and shape. However, I've still suffered through body hangups and feelings of inadequacy. Having done so, I would not wish them on anyone. The idea then that those outside of the average should be forbidden from feeling good is nothing short of disgusting.

(Even early 90's Disney got their head around the fact people are rubbish at dealing with "different".

Image from quotesandmovies.com)

The same logic can be applied to many things. To take the stereotype of "lazy" chronic illness patients, this sort of thinking would dictate these patients have " no right" to fulfilment and happiness because they are outside someone's box of understanding. They are yet again outside of the "norm".

I quoted Steven Erikson's thought on lifestyle fascists in this post. Humorous as it is, there's a serious point there. When you begin to dictate the parameters and ostracise those outside of them in terms of size, shape and weight, a lifestyle fascist is exactly what you're  becoming.

To further the alternative example of patients with chronic illnesses, to the narrow minded, anyone not out of the house in an average nine-to-five job is "lazy", so patients who are forced to remain at home much of the time are definitely squarely in their firing line. However, they can be doing plenty within their limits to help themsleves and to hopefully improve their situation - negative and ill-informed attitudes do not help. In the same way that attacking Miss Munster stands in the way of the very movement she has thrown herself into supporting, so attacking "lazy" patients can hamper their own efforts to effect change in their lives.

Also, here's an interesting idea to stick in your pipe until you choke - not everyone "can" get better. Not everything is curable. Do you really think you imposing your vicious inability to think outside the box is going to do anything except damage the person you've set your sights on?

But wait, everyone and everything should match your opinion, right? Nothing else is acceptable in your hopelessly narrow existence, is it?

And very neatly, we're back to those people who claim people the size of Miss Munster "have no right to be comfortable with themselves".

You do not get to dictate who can and cannot feel good about themselves, and neither does anybody else. You have no right to take that away from another person.

For me, I tip my hat to Tess Munster. If having just one single representation of themselves makes a group of people who usually cannot see themselves in the fashion industry feel better, then I refuse to accept that is a bad thing. It could well be the first step on the road to all shapes and sizes finding a space in fashion media.

Everyone has the right to self worth and to make peace with themselves - whether they match the ideals of what you wish to do with your own body or not.

If you do not accept that, I suggest you should have some long and hard self-examination ahead of you.


I'd love to hear other people's thoughts on this - even though I'm not in the group this is most relevant to, I still think the abuse and narrow-mindedness says a lot of damning things about people, and that needs discussion.

Wishing you all many spoons xxx

30 Day Chronic Illness Challenge: Day 17

Day 17: How would things be different if you weren't ill?

In a general sense I'd be far more care-free, and I'd still be running around headlong not worrying about tiredness or pain and thinking purely about saying "yes" to everything, getting out there and doing it.

I had been considering an Open University degree, but there is no hope whatsoever of me being able to hold down full time work and commit to such an undertaking. However much I rail against the fact it remains true that I just don't have the energy any more.

A lot of the answer to this question is difficult to quantify - long term ill health touches on almost every aspect of day to day life, so whilst it would certainly be different it's hard to sit and list all the various ways. Domestically speaking I was always one of those people who wanted to clean and do housework all in one go, whereas now I have no choice but to do a little bit at a time. It frustrates me because I'm very bad at sitting and looking at things which need doing. I haven't quite kicked the habit of giving in to the urge and then running headlong into a flare a couple of days later.

I think the most prominent thing is feeling the restriction against what to do at weekends. We've had glorious weather recently and given free reign I'd have been jumping in the car and going to the coast or up into the Yorkshire Dales for walks. Now I have to sit and consider the driving time, what I'll be able to do when I get there and whether it is in fact worth it. Sadly, it generally ends up being a no.

I have managed a couple of excursions this year though, so it hasn't been a complete loss. I do sometimes find I'm incredibly angry with my loss of freedom though. Again, it proves the adage that you don't appreciate something so simple until it is no longer available to you.

On the flip side though, it has taught me to be organised, rather than running around like a headless chicken hoping everything would eventually fall into place and that triple-booking myself on a given day would turn out alright in the end.

Until I feel up to another excursion I'll continue to hole myself up with Battlestar Galactica. Even if I'm not getting outside, this gem of a show is keeping my brain working all the time. I recommend it to fans of Sci-Fi - and if you have seen it, no spoilers, I'm only in season three!

So Say We All

The aforementioned kitten post is delayed once more, friends!

I’m sure plenty of readers will have already seen this image of the note left on a young lady’s windscreen by a passer-by after she parked (rightly) in a handicapped space.

(The note left on Emelie Crecco's windscreen which she bravely shared.)

I’d dearly love to say it’s the first instance of such ignorance I’ve seen, but that would be far from the truth.

The situation doesn’t directly apply to me – I’m not ill enough to be considered disabled – but I know people who are and they sprang immediately to mind upon seeing this.

Now, had the scenario been a traffic warden stopping the person and asking to see their blue badge (or whatever equivalent applies) I can understand – they’re doing their job. For a random passer-by to make such a judgement and then have the gall to act upon it is nothing short of rude.

To illustrate the point of invisible illness and disability somewhat further (although it never ceases to astound me that the concept of “invisible” needs explaining), the following is a list from DisabledWorld.com of SOME of the disabilities in existence considered to be invisible – they add their own caveat that this is far from an exhaustive list:

·         Allergies

·         Arachnoiditis

·         Asthma

·         Autism

·         Bipolar Disorder

·         Brain injuries

·         Charcot-Marie-Tooth Disease

·         Chronic Fatigue Syndrome/M.E.

·         Circadian Rhythm Sleep Disorders

·         Coeliac Disease

·         Crohn’s Disease

·         Epilepsy

·         Fibromyalgia

·         Food allergies and intolerances

·         Hyperhidrosis

·         Hypoglycemia

·         Inflammatory Bowel Disease

·         Interstitial Cystitis (aka Painful Bladder Syndrome)

·         Lupus (all forms)

·         Lyme Disease

·         Mental Health Disorders

·         Metabolic Syndrome

·         Migraines

·         Multiple Sclerosis

·         Multiple Chemical Sensitivity

·         Narcolepsy

·         Primary Immunodeficiency

·         Reflex Sympathetic Dystrophy

·         Repetitive Stress Injuries

·         Rheumatoid Arthritis

·         Scleroderma

·         Sjörgen’s Syndrome

·         Temperomandibular Joint Disorder

·         Transverse Myelitis

·         Ulcerative Colitis 

There are 35 different conditions in that list. 35 different reasons you cannot see for the use of that disabled parking badge. 35 different reasons why the person with the badge is not lying.

35 different reasons to think before you speak or act.

I think the point that annoys me most with snap judgements like this is that in a sense it punishes the ill person for doing well, for having a healthy mental attitude to their difficulties and doing their best to participate in a life as normal as possible.

You look relatively OK and you’re going about average every day business? Ah well, there must be nothing wrong with you then.

It becomes apparent sometimes that as a sufferer of long term ill health you are expected to be a spectator of life and not a participant – and no, you can’t step outside of that extremely narrow box, foolish Youngling!

If we ignore general ignorance and all the other negatives which tend to lead to those sorts of assumptions, I think a large part of the problem is that the psychological side of long term well being is disregarded by many, when to my mind it’s equally as important as the physical aspects. You can’t fight the physical cavalry if your mental infantrymen are all missing in action.

Why should you be expected to live life on the sidelines just to fit the narrow imaginings of other people?

I’ll use an example from my own experience. Whilst undiagnosed last year I went to the Bloodstock Open Air Festival – I’ve been going since 2008 and it’s become something of an annual tradition. I enjoy the music, the friendly atmosphere and the chance to see friends I may only have that once-a-year opportunity to catch up with.

(Sorry Doc, Avantasia are more than a good enough reason to be silly!)

Most people were supportive and thought my attending was a good thing – you shouldn’t give up without trying was the general consensus. However a couple of people did start with the “If you’re supposedly so ill, what are you doing here?” comments.

Now, there’s plenty in the cold light of logic which is impractical in attending a three day outdoor festival. However, impracticalities aside I chose to put my mental well being first for those three days and do something I love in the company of people I love.

It had nothing to do with how physically well or not I was– it was a choice based on the fact I’d already had to give up plenty, and that was one thing too many. I’ve said before that I firmly believe that occasionally you have to make logically flawed decisions for the sake of something which is important. You allowing yourself a break and setting boundaries in terms of allowing yourself to participate in life is not only healthy in the long term – I believe it is entirely necessary.

This was something of a lively argument I used to have with my regular GP before I moved up to York. He’d lay out all the practical issues with whatever I wanted to do, and I’d come right back with “With all due respect, I need to do it.” He eventually came to realise that I’m far from a fool and would take all the precautions possible including any suggestions he had to make. I’d make sure I rested up before and after said knotty desire of mine, and I’d do everything in my power to minimise the impact.

During my last appointment with him he wished me luck and said I’d actually had an effect on the way he viewed the overall complex picture in terms of when mental well being contradicts physical limitations. He agreed that sometimes if done sensibly it could indeed be a positive thing.

The Retired Bridgeburner 1, Convention 0?

What I choose to do for my own mental and physical well being is my business and nobody else’s. I respect the informed opinions of the medical experts I deal with, but that doesn’t mean I won’t challenge them if I feel the need to. Passers-by can make all the assumptions they like – nobody knows my body and my health limitations as well as I do, and last time I checked I was not obliged to run my own informed decisions past anyone else, however entitled they may feel to their opinion being heard.

Something possibly worth considering if you are an uninformed by-passer of any ilk – you are seeing only the final product in looking at the ill or disabled person being wherever they are, whether it be a heavy metal festival or sitting parked in a disabled parking bay. You have no idea of the process which led to that – the days, weeks or months of planning and preparation which may have been entirely instrumental in that trip being possible. How do you know if that isn’t the first time the person has gone farther than the end of their street in six months?

How do you know they haven’t gone farther than the end of their street in order to allow themselves to do what they’re doing now?

Think before you speak, and if necessary, don’t speak at all. Your assumptions could do more harm than you know, and they stick in the memory for far longer than you realise.

Wishing you all many spoons xx