"Bite me"

(Magic - it can get a guy killed. Image from waterstones.com)

Apologies for the title. I’ve had my head buried in Jim Butcher’s The Dresden Files for the last couple of weeks and some of Harry’s Chicago-isms are starting to creep out when and where appropriate. This topic seemed to be just such an occasion.

I’m temping at the moment, and in sitting on a reception you meet and speak to all sorts of people. Most of them I have to say are really nice, with the odd slurring alcoholic thrown in to make the day interesting (I’m sadly not joking).

However, yesterday I ended up talking to someone who fell into neither category. Whilst waiting to be met by their solicitor they commented that I was looking very pale and tired. My lovely colleague explained I was having something of a flare up and I mumbled something about it being nothing a cup of tea on my break wouldn’t sort out (this is Hannah-ish for “A screaming headache and a sensitivity flare-up and in-the-name-of-all-that’s-holy-this-dress-hurts”). Said person responded with “Well don’t you, like, wear makeup when you look that rough? It’s not as if it would be impossible to hide it. Why walk around looking like that?”

Now I’ve encountered this sort of comment before but it still left me pretty much speechless for a few seconds this time around. It didn't really upset me so much as surprise me. Aside from the fact it’s incredibly rude, what in the world do you say to that? 

Apart from “No I don’t because I don’t have, like, a problem with the realities of existence”?

I do appreciate that I'm a person not overly concerned by appearances, and for some people it's a much more important thing. In the person's defence I honestly think they thought they were being helpful - suggesting if I made an effort to look better I might feel better too. I don't know, that might even work for some people. Mostly I'm just making the point that the individual won't be gracing the hit list - we just come at life quite differently. 

To explain what I look like when I’m having a flare up I’m even paler than usual, drawn and generally start showing circles under my eyes from not sleeping well. I get the slightly glassy-eyed look sometimes too and I move about as little as possible. The point is I’m not exactly a visage of hellfire and impending doom. You are not going to need therapy after you’ve seen me in flare-up mode. If you’re scared of pale complexions then I suggest you’ve never encountered the British before. Pale is sort of what we do, and I’m firmly in the camp of those who choose to do nothing about it.

There are two main points I want to make with this comment in mind. The first I’ve had lots of practice arguing my corner with, and it’s the fact that make-up is not primarily a tool for other people’s benefit.

Anybody who’s about to chime in with “Oh, but women only wear it because they’re insecure!” or “They’re wearing it for male attention” – well, the door’s over there. Please use it.

(Excuse the language, but basically that's a short and succinct version of what I'm getting at. Image from cosmosimisear.blogspot.com)

Wearing make-up so you look nice is not something anybody owes to anyone else around them. It’s a personal choice based on how you feel and how you want to look at that given moment. It has frankly absolutely nothing to do with anyone else at all. 

There’s an oft-overlooked amount of artistry in the use of make-up and in self expression in general (of which it can form a part). Some people don’t feel right unless they’re fully made up; others only use minimal make-up or none at all most of the time. I’m in the latter category mostly because it’s all too much faff unless I’m dressing up to go out. Either extreme and everything between are all absolutely fine. And still none of your business.

With all that in mind, it is certainly not something you owe to people so sensitive they can’t deal with someone looking a bit under the weather. It terrifies me to think that some people are so smothered in our mass media’s impossible beauty standards that they have trouble dealing with reality. When I’m at my healthiest I’m still laughably far off supermodel calibre as are the vast majority of people – so where does the idea that you’re supposed to cover up flaws for the benefit of those around you come from?

Secondly and far more importantly – forgive me, but I don’t see my health as something I should hide. I’m not ashamed of it. The idea that it is something to be ashamed of and kept under wraps runs a little too close to the idea that the chronically ill are somehow “broken” for my liking.

The way I see it, Petunia isn’t contagious so I’m no risk to anybody else. That’s one of the small mercies of most chronic invisible illnesses. I also didn’t come by Fibromyalgia and Interstitial Cystitis through any fault of my own, so they aren’t as a result of any action or inaction of mine. They are the only two reasons I could think of for there to be even a modicum of shame or a wish to hide the reality involved.

The fact that I’m a “spoony” is a part of me. It’s no different from the fact that I’m good with a pencil, that I’m rather fond of power metal or the fact at nearly 25 I still can’t negotiate high heels with any success.

I don’t really hide any of the rest of me, so why should I hide that? If I ever did want to if would be for me and only for me – it certainly wouldn’t be for the benefit of anyone else.

In closing, I can happily inform you all that nobody has run away from me so far today despite the fact that I’m still flaring.

However, it is only half past two.

Wishing you all many spoons xxx